


tender loving care

by ralf



Series: Close to Canon [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec having an existential crisis at 3 am, Angst, Denial, Emotions, M/M, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 11:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29242665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ralf/pseuds/ralf
Summary: He's only doing this for educational purposes, Alec firmly tells himself.[Set sometime after 1x09. Alec looks up the meaning of “TLC”.]
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Series: Close to Canon [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/936036
Comments: 19
Kudos: 84





	tender loving care

**Author's Note:**

> One thing is for sure, I'm not getting any creativity points for that title, lol. When I was inspired to write something for this I made it a total of 1.8 seconds thinking “huh, this could be fun and cute” before my muse went “ _actually........_ ” so sorry about that hahaha

He's only doing this for educational purposes, Alec firmly tells himself. It's a coincidence that it's three at night and he's just seeking out the communal work desk in the hall intead of his personal station because it's closest, not because that will make it more difficult to connect this search query to him.

Pursuit of knowledge is encouraged among shadowhunters so he's really only doing his duty here. The mutated Forsaken attack was an unprecendented breach of their wards and he should gather all the intelligence he can to prevent a repeat. That includes how the wounds inflicted by a Forsaken can be treated.

Still, Alec feels vaguely guilty like he's doing something forbidden as he types in the foreign expression Magnus used earlier that day when he offered to treat the slash on Alec's arm.

_A Forsaken wound often needs a little warlock TLC._

Alec isn't very knowledgable about magical healing techniques to begin with so it's questionable how much looking this up will actually achieve in terms of better preparing him for future encounters with a Forsaken. He's aware of this. He knows that if it was any other warlock making that same comment he wouldn't bother going through the Institute's database at night, for exactly that reason.

But it's Magnus and--

_No results for “TLC” found._

Alec blinks at the screen.

Well. This wasn't entirely unexpected. The Institute's database isn't a complete index of everything existing in the Shadow World after all, just a conglomerate of whatever information shadowhunter generations past and present have come by and deemed important enough to file away. That they wouldn't attribute any importance to healing techniques that can only be practiced by warlocks is as frustrating as it is unsurprising.

Alec is just about to give up – he's certainly not going to ask _Magnus_ to explain it to him – when another thought hits him. Maybe “TLC” isn't a warlock thing. Maybe it's not a healing technique at all. Maybe it's a mundane thing. Alec wouldn't be able to tell since he's not particularly well-versed in mundane things either.

For half a second he entertains asking Izzy about it tomorrow but that would probably just end in ridicule, or worse, Izzy giving him sad soft looks and trying to pry into him, so he'll give it a pass. He may not know what TLC means but the fact that Magnus used it is reason enough not to bring it up with her.

Thankfully Izzy equiped him with other means to “close the gaping holes in his education of all things mundane, yes there are vital things to know, don't roll your eyes at me big brother” so he clears the traces of his search from the database the best he can and switches to his phone. He has to search through the list of programs for a bit but ultimately he finds the app Izzy installed in case he ever needed any mundane information (despite his loud protests that such a case was extremely unlikely to ever occur).

He takes a moment to be grateful for his sister's stubbornness and clicks on the weird red-blue symbol. A search engine with a strange name loads and he hesitantly types in “TLC meaning” feeling more than a bit dumb. At least there's no one around to witness this whole embarrasing endeavour. Small mercies.

The site loads excruciatingly slowly, blanking out completely first but then there are three words in huge, bold letters taking up half the screen and Alec's heart stops in his chest.

**tender loving care**

There's an explanatory text underneath but Alec barely processes more than _compassionate thoughtful attention_ before his mind whites out. He stares at his phone, unseeing, his throat inexplicably tight all of a sudden.

Alec takes care of people. Not the other way around. That's how it's always been.

Who would even take care of him? His siblings? They'd be dead twice over – both where their standing with the Clave and their actual physical lives are concerned – if Alec didn't constantly keep an eye on them. His parents? They're too busy hanging around Alicante, making up for past sins as he recently discovered, to show their faces in New York much. So no, the only one around to take care of Alec has always been Alec himself.

And it's not like he minds. He doesn't _need_ anyone taking care of him. He's perfectly fine looking after himself. He doesn't need anyone's.. anyone's tend-

And it's not like Magnus was really, seriously offering anyway. It's not like he was asking for Alec to unload all of his troubles on him, share all his woes. He wanted to heal a superficial cut on Alec's arm, if that. Nothing more.

Magnus flirts, he flirts all the time, with everyone. It's what he does. He doesn't mean anything by it. He can't possibly mean anything by it when he's looking at _Alec_. It's absurd to even think about this at all.

_Tender, loving care._

The words grate on Alec's nerves, prickle around his eyes. He stabs at the screen until the app closes and shoves his phone back into his pocket, shoves this foolish notion away just as forcefully.

There's no place for that in the world he lives in. They're nothing but meaningless, empty words, fanciful dreams reserved for people who don't have to carry any real responsibilities.

Alec's responsibilities are clear. He's engaged. He has a duty to his family. He has a role to play and there's no time to lose pondering anything else. There's no use thinking about things that will never happen. Alec closes his eyes and takes a few long steadying breaths.

He knew looking this up was a mistake. It doesn't change anything. Nothing will. Nothing can.

Emotions are nothing but a distraction. That, too, will never change.

Everything remains exactly the same as before, a perpetual balance, undisturbed.

When Alec finally opens his eyes again his mind has calmed, his heart has fallen silent. It always does.

He's fine with it.

(It's a shame that he never really learned how to lie to himself.)


End file.
